Inner Monologues: The Day I Made Peace

My Painting “Girl in a Lily pond”

Often, our thoughts take control of our lives. But taking control of our thoughts can bring joy, the freedom alone is worth it.  

It was a cold December day. My mind was in a turmoil. I was feeling stifled. I knew I had to go out. I was feeling restricted. 

I picked up my bag and rushed out of the house. I stepped out,  hoping the winds would blow away the cobwebs and help me firmly resolve to make an important decision today.

There was a storm brewing, the weather outside matched my thoughts. My feet carried me in the direction of the  restaurant across the street. The familiarity of this place felt good.

There was a slight drizzle outside, and a cold wind was blowing, The wind played with my hair and there was a light drizzle and puffs of white clouds sailed across the sky, There was sunshine and rain and a beautiful rainbow across the sky.

 As I sheltered under my umbrella the sun rays fell on my face through the transparent umbrella of various hues, and even at this hour the restaurant was well lit and I could see on the glass doors reflected a woman with face like the colour of pink silk where the sun rays filtering like gold through the umbrella cast a magical light,  lighting up her face,  and droplets of water on her hair, shining like pearls, looking effortlessly stylish, walking with a confident stride. It was only after I gazed at the woman for some time that I realized it was my own reflection portraying a completely wrong picture of me.

I sat at a table and reflected.  Thoughts were swirling.  I noticed my partner had quietly entered after me and joined me at the table, but I took no notice of him.

I thought to myself, “You are the one I spent most time with, you are the one I live with, you are the one with who knows all my thoughts.  You always criticize me, you’re quick to find faults, you held me back so many times,  you found flaws in me.”

“When I looked for success, you stopped me from pursuing my dreams, you discouraged me with criticism time and time again. You always talked about the risks involved. When I tried a new hairstyle or a dress you made me feel inadequate, gauche. You destroyed my confidence.  When I tried to learn new skills, you created hurdles, saying to me that I can never achieve much, anyway.”

“You were  always ever-ready to show up my imperfections, even when I received support from family, friends and strangers, you always had something negative to say, so it’s only right that now I celebrate that I am rid of you and can at last be myself.”

“You’re the voice in my head, the one who occupied my headspace, this long,  you drew me to despair.  You are the little voice in my head, ever-present, you led me on through thorny paths. I suffered from my inner demons, my unending  inner monologues.  Now I have overcome you. I have made peace with my inner demons.”  

So the decision was always mine. The choice was mine. I felt a great burden lifted from my shoulders and there was a lightness of being. Free at last! Free at last!  I rejoiced.  We reached out, my partner and I, in a tight embrace. We celebrated with joy.

It’s the season of goodwill and cheer. Happy holidays!

My Poem: The Mind

The Mind is a Universe

The mind is a universe of majestic splendour
The mind is an amazing, unfathomable wonder
The mind is a wondrous refuge, a perfect haven
The mind is a sanctuary, a gateway to heaven.

The mind is a boundless, priceless treasure
The mind is a source of infinite pleasure
The mind is the origin of thoughts and attitudes
The mind is a display of mercurial moods

Now rising, now soaring, now sailing on wings
Now descending, now plunging into deep, dark ravines.